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I happened by horrible chance to catch the last three minutes of The Culture Show last night, while waiting for Newsnight to begin (by the way, for one wonderful minute I noticed a striking resemblance between Jeremy Paxman and Robert Mugabe. Something to do with the brow, the self-righteous tone…and those eyes.) Well, if this is Culture, then I hate it.

If this is Culture, then I actually want to stab it. If this is Culture, then I want to stab it until it can no longer stand, then shoot it in the head while it lies on the floor. If this is Culture, then I’m Stalin and Mark Kermode will be the first to die.

Fortunately for Mark Kermode’s plastinated face and unfortunately for me, a troop of simian hipsters gurning their way through some bumhole song by CSS does not constitute Culture, even for the beeb.  It took the soothing voice of Alan Yentob as he walks through the woods of Japan, listening to John Coltrane, in In Search of Haruki, to remind me of that. That, and the disturbing resemblance between Paxman and Mugabe, of course.

Glossary:

Mark Kermode: the worst film critic ever
The Culture Show: a drain on the resources of the nation
Jeremy Paxman: Robert Mugabe

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Copyright (C) 2007 Alain Georgette / Copyright (C) 2006 Frantisek Hliva. All rights reserved.